


ghost(s) in the machine

by fangirl_squee



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Fix-It, Ghosts, Other, SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 30 OF PARTIZAN, c/w same for that episode plus allusions to child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:47:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26459692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_squee/pseuds/fangirl_squee
Summary: (partially rot13'd for spoilers) Gjb crbcyr zrrg va na nsgreyvsr bs fbegf naq cergraq gb znxr crnpr jvgu vg. Order, as we know, makes peace difficult.
Relationships: Gucci Garantine/Clementine Kesh, Kal'mera Broun/Valence
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	ghost(s) in the machine

The world is a blinding, endless white, and then Valence blinks and the light is gone, replaced by an unending void of black. 

It’s not even the almost-comforting darkness of space, there are no points of lights of distant planets. They can only barely perceive the faint wisps of themselves, floating in the void.

_ Huh _ , thinks Valence,  _ interesting _ .

They’d often thought about what death was like, what waited for them in the next world. They’d discussed it with Gur sometimes, in the abstract, touching on the God they both shared. An ache strikes through them at the memory, half in distant nostalgia and half in that they have reached the next place and Gur is nowhere to be seen. Maybe he never will, while Kesh have him. In a universe full of unfairness this feels especially so. Anger and sorrow burn through Valence at the thought.

There is  _ something _ though, distracting them from their thoughts, a blurring of something in the distance - no, not the distance. Valence frowns, watching as a shape takes form in front of their eyes, the wisps of white pulling together into the slightly wavering and absolutely inexplicable form of Clementine Kesh.

They almost don’t believe the sight of her, but then she blinks, her expression so the mixture of confusion and interest that they saw often on her face convincing them. It’s certainly not any less strange than anything else they’re experiencing right now.

Clem frowns. “Hello?”

“Hello.”

Clem’s frown deepens. “I don’t-” Her eyes narrow. “ _ Valence _ ?”

Valence attempts a nod, but in their current form it’s more of a bobbing up and down, so they add, “Yeah, hi.”

“What  _ happened _ to you?”

“Well I assume I died-”

“No, not that part,” says Clem, waving a hand. “That’s obvious, I mean, you’re not- I don’t know if you’re aware but you’re- you look quite different.”

They almost want to laugh. “This is how I’ve always looked. I was just… it was a suit.”

“I… see,” says Clem, pretending not to look at them curiously and doing a terrible job hiding it.

They shrug, trying to match her casual tone. “So… this is the afterlife.”

“Hardly,” says Clem, making a face. “We’re in some dreadful-looking statue.”

Valence stills, the memory of Order looming above them stark in their mind.

“Oh,” says Clem, waving a hand at them, “Yes, that’s it.”

Valence turns their attention to themselves, following her gesture. The image of Order flickers over their body as if it were being projected onto them before surprise overtakes them and the image fades.

“We can’t be,” says Valence, “That’s… that’s not possible.”

“It is,” says Clem, “I don’t know how  _ you _ got here, but I felt myself go in after they- after my mother’s officers brought us up.”

“Us?” asks Valence, daring to hope.

Anger flashes over Clem’s face, accompanied by the flickering image across her chest of Gur above her, his limbs raised to strike.

“No,” says Clem, “They- we were all… tangled together, when they dredged us up, and there wasn’t really anything left of him, he’d already… already left, I suppose. But they’re much more valuable to Kesh alive, obviously, so they took them off somewhere to make use of their remains.”

If it were possible for Valence to feel physical sensations, they can imagine the wave of nausea that would be rolling through them, followed by a deep anger, a remnant of their last living emotion.

“Yes, we- I know.” They pause. “I met your mother.”

“So  _ that’s  _ how you ended up here,” says Clem, “She does tend to have that effect on people.”

“I killed her.”

The wisps of Clem still for a moment, making it easier for Valence to see where the shape of her begins to blur and melt into their surroundings. "Oh, well, that’s- congratulations, I suppose." 

" _ Congratulations _ ?” says Valence, “she was your  _ mother _ .” 

Clem shrugs. “I don't know what you expect me to say. If I hadn't been pushed off Fort Icebreaker perhaps I would have killed her, or she would have killed me. It was certainly more politically convenient for her that I was dead when they found me. Speeches are much easier to handle than daughters.”

Two images flicker over Clem, one after the other - Crysanth Kesh, looking as pristine as it is possible for a person to look, her face twisted with disgust as she turns away. The other image is out of focus, a hand gripping a child’s wrist with force, and comes with a wave of fear that Valence can almost taste before it disappears as quickly as it had come.

“I had always thought that she would have avoided offering my eulogy,” continues Clem, apparently oblivious to the projection, “but then I suppose it’s far too easy a piece of propaganda to pass up. Your passing, I’m sure, will be given a similar treatment.”

“I don’t think Millenium Break is the type of organisation to hold a performance like that,” says Valence, “if they do anything for me it’ll probably be a lot smaller.”

The ache returns as they imagine Thisbe passing on their words to Broun. They hoped it would be enough to convey everything they hadn’t had time to say, to do. They’d never see the end of the war, yes, but more than that, they’d never help Broun finish their ship repairs, never again feel their surprise as they accidentally (or not so accidentally) reached out with their mind and got Valence’s response, never again feel their delight at seeing underneath the machinery of Valence’s body.

They shook themselves. Not much they could do about that now, and there wasn’t much feeling sorry for themselves would accomplish. Hundreds of people on Partizan probably went through the same thing every day, and hopefully they had had some small part in lessening it.

Clem frowns, peering over their shoulder. They turn, but there’s nothing but the same inky blackness that surrounds them.

“What is it?”

“I- before you got here, it was as though…” Clem makes a face. “I don’t know. There was a light, before. I’m probably just imagining things, you know. Prisoner’s cinema and all that.”

“Maybe.” Valence pauses. “Where did you see it?”

Clem waves a hand. “Over there. I assume that’s where you came from.”

“I don’t know where I came from,” says Valence, “One minute I was outside, uh, dying, I guess, and the next I was in Order.”

Clem blinks at them.

“You know, the big Divine we’re in, looks like a statue?”

“Yes, right, of course,” says Clem, her tone dismissive, “ _ Order _ . I suppose that does explain some of this.”

“What does?”

“Well, not very orderly to let ghosts out in the world is it?” says Clem, “When Exeter Leap and Sovereign were on that ghost hunt they caused no end of trouble.”

They’d heard about that - weeks of Leap and Sovereign and whoever else they’d convinced to come with them to look for the ghost, coming back with tales of near-misses in the dark. Broun had never gone, but then again, Broun didn’t particularly believe in ghosts, and had always been much too busy to spend time on something like that.

They’d always had time to spend with Valence though. The ache returns, sharper. They’d always thought they were using their own time effectively, but looking back all they could see were the spaces where conversations should have been. If only they could move around as easily as the ghost of Fort Icebreaker, making enough noise to signal that they were there.

Valence hums. “Did they ever find that ghost?”

“No,” says Clem, “Just a lot of wasting time at my expense, as usual.”

“Maybe it got out,” says Valence.

“More likely as not it was never there at all,” says Clem.

“No, I mean- maybe  _ we _ could get out,” says Valence.

Clem frowns, her attention turning back to them. “How?”

“However we got in,” says Valence. “You said you saw a light?”

“Yes, but it was…” her frown deepens. “It was more like… like a crack.”

“Well, we’re ghosts,” says Valence, “we can fit through that. Probably.”

Clem hums, skepticism coming off her in waves.

“Look, we either find a way out or we stay in here until Order decides to crush us completely, or whatever it’s plan is, or we get out,” says Valence, “We gain nothing by doing nothing.”

Clem pauses, tilting her head slightly. “Fine. It was over that way I think.”

They begin to move in the direction of her gesture, although in the darkness it’s impossible to know if they’re making progress. Valence isn’t even sure how large the space they’re in is. It’s possible they’re not even in a physical space at all, that they’re somewhere ethereal, constructed by a Divine.

“Did you see anything else?” asks Valence.

“No, but it… there was this odd feeling, when I got here” says Clem, “as though… it was almost like being at sea, or, no, it was like- like being in a mech again. Nothing was moving, exactly, but it was about to. I could feel everything bracing.”

Order, bracing itself to intervene in the chaos they’d caused outside it. Well, they’d certainly been warned enough before the mission about Order for that to sound right.

Clem huffs. “There’s nothing here, this is such a waste of time.”

“Not really,” says Valence, “I mean, what else are we going to do?” they pause. “Maybe we… I mean, you said the light appeared when it was about to move, so maybe we just have to wait for it to do that.”

“Great,” says Clem, “we’ll just wait for this statue to move. That’s perfect.”

“It’s not a statue,” says Valence, “You-”

The air around them rumbles. Clem looks around before looking back at them.

“Did you-”

The rumble returns again, stronger this time, accompanied by the feeling of Order turning its head. Valence reaches out, senses straining, trying to get a better picture but it’s like putting their hand on icy glass. They flinch, coming back to themselves as Clem lets out a gasp of surprise.

“There! See, I told you!”

There, what looks like only paces away from them, is a thin streak of light, as though they were peering through a crack in Order’s armour. Valence presses forward, feeling the pull of it the closer they get, Clem close behind them. She reaches it first, her expression changing from victorious to horrified as she peers outside.

Valence follows her gaze, surprised at the scene before them - a battle scene, the jungle that had surrounded Order showing the forces that must have passed through and been pushed back. They recognise some of the mechs, fear rising as they feel Order’s attention focus down on the closest one, the familiar figure of the Transgress Oblige.

As they watch, Order’s hand comes down, pinning the mech to the earth. Clem flinches, her fingers digging into the crack. Order rumbles again, its hand beginning to tighten around Gucci’s mech. Valence can feel the sickening scrape of metal on stone vibrate through them. Beside them, they feel Clem lurch back the way they had come, her arms outstretched as though she were reaching for something and she  _ screams _ .

" _ No _ ! She's- her end is supposed to be  _ mine. _ ” Clem turns, pulling herself forward through the darkness, "I refuse to let this- this- this-  _ outdated monument _ take one more thing from me!"

Wisps of the light that make up her body begin to fray, dissapearing into the darkness of Order.

Valence tries to follow her, but it's like trying to swim against the current. Ahead of them, Clem begins to blur at the edges, her shape indistinct in the darkness.

"Clem, what-"

Clem doesn't turn back. "I won't let this  _ thing  _ pull Gucci in here too, I  _ refuse- _ She's  _ mine, _ do you hear me, you blasted statue?!"

Valence is close enough now to see the memories flickering, too fast to catch anything but an impression - two little girls preening in front of an enormous mirror in oversized clothes, the curve of one of Gucci's more genuine smiles, the smashed remains of a vase, freshly painted nails. They can feel the ache in the back of Clem's throat.

They remember, sudden and sharp, the way Gucci had left the room very quickly after the footage of Clem and Gur's last moments had been found. How she'd been the one to go through the remains of Clem's room, redistributing her things.

Clem's head jerks and she slips, falling back towards Valence, her hand holding tight to empty blackness by stubbornness alone. Valence claws their own way forward, still not quite level with her but close enough that her head tilts towards them in acknowledgment.

They can feel it as Order's fist tightens again. 

"No!" screams Clem.

_ No _ , thinks Valence, reaching out again, slamming themselves on the frosted glass that surrounds their awareness.

Order's hand stills. They can feel Gucci's mech shifting, searching for purchase against it.

"You can't have her," Clem grits out, pressing forward again.

Valence can see where she's fading now, traces of her flickering out.

"Clem-"

" _ No, _ " says Clem, "I can't let her- I can win. I've beaten Divines before."

" _ When?" _

"Before," says Clem airily. "Listen, you- Head for the light. This will be easier if it's focus is split. I'll find my own way out."

Valence stretches, trying to reach her. "Clem-"

"No,  _ listen to me _ , I know what I'm doing," snaps Clem, every inch the spoiled Kesh princess, "let me deal with this and you can tell me your heroic escape later." Her expression tightens. "This task is  _ mine _ ."

Gucci's face flickers on Clem for a moment, younger and laughing, older and smirking, softer and smiling. Clem turns slightly to look at them.

"I have to do this," she repeats, twisting around to push them backwards with unexpected force.

They spin backwards, towards the light, close enough that they can feel the pull of it, drawing them in. They can feel where Clem presses forward, taking hold of Order with all the love and stubbornness she possesses, forcing the hand of Order to open as they’re pulled through the gap and into the world.

Outside, they catch a glimpse of the chaos - Order's joints grinding as it's hand opens against its will, freeing Gucci. The Panther lurches forward, pulling the Oblige to safety and the others retreat around them.

They think they can hear Clem's victorious laughter in the back of their mind, just for a moment, before the connection to her turns to blank static.

It takes them a while to get home - it takes them a while to find out where home even  _ is _ \- but they manage it, drifting unseen on the wind after pirate ships and supply vessels, until they finally, finally find it.

Their old body isn't dismantled like they'd expected. It's not even in a workshop, being used for parts. It's tucked in the corner of Broun's room, propped in the desk chair facing them as they slump, almost asleep, at their desk. Valence hovers for a moment, taking in the dark circles under Broun's eyes, their tangled hair, the faint luminescence of their scales.

Valence sinks slowly into their old body. They can feel where parts of it are missing - damaged or removed to be part of their new body, now gone. Most of the essential stuff is still there, enough that they can connect to it, letting the machinery siphon their energy until they can bring the vocalisation online. They have a feeling that Broun will need the solidity of hearing them out loud, and they kind of want that too. They’re not sure they have the energy to start the mental connection right now if Broun’s not expecting it.

Their arm twitches on the desk as they try to move it towards them, clumsily reaching out to put a hand on their arm. Broun jerks awake, almost falling back in their chair.

"Hey," Valence says.

Broun opens and closes their mouth a few times, the glow of their scales pulsing.

"I- I'm glad you kept this, it's been-"

"What the  _ fuck _ ?" says Broun, "What the fuck, no, you can't-"

"Broun-"

"Prove it's you," says Broun quickly.

"What?"

"Look, it's been a long week full of weird shit," says Broun, "just- how do I know it's really you in there?"

Valence reaches for their bond, feeling clumsy in this too. They can feel where Broun’s stretching for them, meeting them half-way. Warmth curls through them at the connection.

_ Does this work _ ? 

Broun opens their mouth, covering their face with their hands. Valence wishes they had the strength or the control to stand up and reach for them. Their hand twitches on the desk.

"I- you just-" Broun swallows. "I think you're dead for  _ weeks  _ and the first thing you say to me is  _ hey _ ?"

"If it helps I really  _ was  _ dead," says Valence.

"No that doesn't  _ help _ -" Broun's face crumples and they stumble to their feet, moving to Valence's side of the table to throw their arms around Valence's body, their face pressed into the crook of Valence's neck.

Valence concentrates, moving their arms slowly and carefully around Broun. They feel Broun let out a shuddering breath.

"Sorry," says Valence.

"You should be," says Broun, muffled from where their face is pressed against Valence. "You really scared me- and Thisbe, obviously."

Valence huffs a laugh. "Obviously. I'll make sure to apologise to her too."

Broun sniffs. "Well, good."

Valence feels Broun’s arms tighten around them and they tilt their head forward, touching the crown of Broun's head. They stay curled around one another for a long time, home at last.

  
  
  


\--

  
  


When Gucci opens her eyes in her hospital room, just for a moment, she could swear she can see the shape of a person sitting beside her bed. The sensation of it is so strong she can almost feel the weight of a hand in hers.

And then she opens her eyes all the way and whatever it was is gone.

Perhaps it's nothing. Or perhaps she'll see it again. Someday.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi: mariusperkins on most places


End file.
